by Master Efenwealt Wystle
copyright © 1999 by Scott F. Vaughan
Listen to it at Soundclick.com
Well I had me a bowl o' porridge, but it tasted just like gruel
My wife hid me golf clubs. She doon been so cruel.
My bagpipes are leaking, I kinna find the wind.
My sheep ha' been cheatin'. My flock ha' doon sinned.
I got the flat bagpipe itchy kilt blues.
Those bad haggis highlander blues.
My wife hates me so much, wove me kilt o' stiff wool.
Then I stand in a strong breeze, I'm a regimental fool.
My young lass is breedin'. She is na' yet wed.
She took the damned English all into her bed.
I got the flat bagpipe itchy kilt blues.
Those bad haggis highlander blues.
Well, my derlin' died last night, oot there near the barn.
Her soft wooly coat was a part of her charm.
I'm all oot o' brandy. I'm all oot a scotch.
There's fleas and there's crabs all over me crotch.
I got the flat bagpipe itchy kilt blues.
Those bad haggis highlander blues.
Well my neighbor's been raidin'. My land is left bare.
My flock have all wandered, I dinna ken where.
The King's called an army. He's picked up a fight.
I don't have the money, so I'm sendin' my wife.
I got the flat bagpipe itchy kilt blues.
Those bad haggis highlander blues.
Oh laddie, never try to oot clever a scotsman. He'll just break his golf clubs over yer
head and then spit in yer face a thousand times until you just turn into mud. And if
that's not good enough for you, stick around for few minutes. We'll see who can throw that
log the farthest. Two bags o' gold say I can play more notes in the span o' ten seconds on
this here tin-whistle then you can you stupid little, boxer shorts wearin' English twit!
Get back here and fight like a man already!
This is what can happen when a committee writes a song. I was sitting in the shade outside the first Gil's Tavern (around May of 1991?) a loverly little event that just happened twice. I was just strumming some chords and chatting with my friends Kari and Morgan. The 3 of us put together some of these lines and I stuck in another verse later. We sang it at a bardic circle that evening, and the drunk people giggled a little. With a little work I think I've turned it into something that even sober people can giggle at.
This work is copyright © 1999 by Scott F. Vaughan (aka Master Efenwealt Wystle). The
lyrics are published here for limited personal use only. Any other reproductions
(electronic, printed, audio, etc.) are prohibited. Vocal performance of the piece at
events and other functions of the Society for Creative Anachronism, Inc. is permissible so
long as the author is given credit.
The next song on the CD is Valdemar's Song
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