If I was a Viking

by Master Efenwealt Wystle
copyright © 1999 by Scott F. Vaughan
Listen to it at Soundclick.com

If I was a viking, I'd never go to school.
I'd never use a toothbrush and I'd hardly ever drool.
I'd sail on the northern seas finding folks to aggravate.
If I was a viking, then life would be just great.

If I was a viking I'd never change my clothes.
I'd bathe semi-annually and I'd sometimes pick my nose.
I'd have a great big long-ship with an ugly dragon's head.
I wish I was a viking, just like old Eric the Red.

If I was viking, well I'd be pretty smart
'Cause I can wystle lots of songs and some tunes I can fart
And writing stuff would be easy. I'd be happy all the time
'Cause Nordic poetry alliterates. It does not have to rhyme.
(excuse me 'rhyne' (thanks Tom Lehrer!))

If I was a viking, I'd be fierce and brave.
I'd never have to comb my hair and I'd rarely have to shave
And I'd worship Thor and Odin, and maybe Heimdall too.
Then I'd party in Valhalla when my body is maggot food.

If I was a viking, I'd never run away.
And I'd bring all my booty right back home to old Norway.
And when missionaries convert me, and I become Christian
Then I'll forsake my pagan life,
Yes I'll forsake my pagan life,
I might forsake my pagan life and end this song. AMEN!
Yodel-odel-ay-he-hoo!

Cranking out stupid songs has always been a bit of a hobby for me. I wrote this one evening after classes when in a particularly silly mood. Nothing inspired it other than cliché and a rather hairy fellow named Thorvaldr.

This work is copyright © 1999 by Scott F. Vaughan (aka Master Efenwealt Wystle). The lyrics are published here for limited personal use only. Any other reproductions (electronic, printed, audio, etc.) are prohibited. Vocal performance of the piece at events and other functions of the Society for Creative Anachronism, Inc. is permissible so long as the author is given credit.

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